Shall We Dance?

So if you know me, you'll know there's nothing I love more than dancing, especially salsa dancing.  My mom taught my brothers and I how to salsa growing up, so it comes very naturally.  This is fine, but because of that I have to be extra careful.  I'm usually pretty good at letting guys know my boundaries and not letting them cross them, but sometimes I can accidentally give off the wrong impression.  Especially since salsa dancing is naturally a more seductive/spicy style of dance.

Anyways I went salsa dancing with a group of friends from school yesterday, which considering that we go to a Christian school should hopefully make the group a little safer than just random colleagues. But guys will be guys whether Christian or not.  "Self-control" is definitely one of the items I'm adding to the list of characteristics I want in my husband.  Dancing was fine and everything, but I think I need to be more careful when I salsa dance, because one of the guys from our group told me later that I was such a good dancer, he couldn't keep his eyes off me.  Which is kind of a compliment but not really the type of compliment I want to be receiving.  As much I (just like any other girl) love attention, it's not the type I want anyway.  I would much rather not be noticed by many guys for my body but be noticed by one guy for who I really am. When a guy says things like that it says a lot about the person.  It shows that he is someone physically driven and prolly not just by you, not a characteristic I want in a man. 

However this makes me wonder what I could do to be more careful and not seem like that type of girl.  I may have been dancing a little "spicy" but that's because it's salsa and to me it's just dancing. But when trying to present myself as a Woman of God I need to realize that sometimes some of the movements can attract the guy's eye I little too much.  I need to ask God to give me the strength to stand strong even when it's difficult.

God Works In Mysterious Ways

I must say there is probably nothing more nerve-wrecking than being asked to sing the National Anthem half hour before you need to be performing it.  Well, that happened to me on Friday.  My friend, Dalton, was unable to sing at the Volleyball game and was asked to find someone else who could sing instead, so he asked me. Wow! Was I honored!  Very last minute, but definitely a blessing.  

God is so good. All the time.  Even when it seems like life is going wrong in every possible way, He's there, working through every small detail.  Last school year was an extremely rough year for me.  I struggled academically, physically, and emotionally.  I even thought of not coming back again.  But I am so blessed I did.  I have the best roommate ever.  She's a sparkling example of what it means to be a Woman of God and a really good friend.   However our story of how we became roommates is so totally random.  I had filled out all my housing papers for this school year, without a roommate or any apartment mates.  My only hope was that God would bring the right people in my life.  So I showed up for room-draw, hoping to at least be able to choose an apartment with people I knew I didn't dislike, and while I was standing in line, I saw my classmate, Alison.  So being the friendly and talkative person I am I approached her and asked her what was her plan. Surprise, surprise.  She didn't have a roommate or apartment mates either.  Perfect Match!  

She has honestly been a blessing from God, we barely knew each other and now she's one of my closest friends. Unfortunately we only get to room together this semester cause she's graduating and marrying in December! But I'm still excited for her. :) Her fiance is another remarkable person and I absolutely enjoy seeing how in love and how God-centered their relationship.  God knows I struggle with waiting for the right person when there seem to be no good guys out there. But seeing the two of them is a great reminder that out there somewhere, God has the perfect match for me.

Whether it's through people or opportunities God presents in our lives, He's always there, blessing us.  When I see the bad, I try to not see it as punishment but as a trial that we must overcome.   Who would want a life without any hardships? Because of hardships we can see the blessings, they also make us stronger and better people.  Even when we seem to make decisions for the wrong reasons, it does not always mean it's the wrong decisions, sometimes God uses totally unrelated circumstances to reroute our direction in life, He sure did it for me.  I praise God for working in mysterious ways, if not I probably would not listen. lol

"Courageous"

On Saturday, my daddy took me on a date to the movies to watch "Courageous" an inspirational movie (from the creators of "Fireproof") about men learning to be real Men of God. It is most definitely a Must-Watch! I cried like every other scene.

Like all inspirational movies, I left super inspired.  Seeing a clear example of what being a Man of God makes me want to live my life like God asks me to.  The only thing is.... I'm not a guy.  Which makes me feel like as a girl all I can do is sit on the side-line till Mr. Right shows up and hopefully he will be a Real man.   As I was talking with my dad about this he brought up a really important point. It will probably still be several years from now before I find the right man mostly because I'm so young, if I want to find a real man and not settle I need to learn to be okay being single and being single for a few more years.  To do this I know I need to learn to find my acceptance in God and grow in Him.

So my big question lately has been, what does being a Woman of God look like?   I know they say Proverbs 31 describes what a wife should be, but after reading it several times I'm still not completely sure what it means.  There are definitely traits I see with no problem such as: hardworking, clothed with strength and dignity, blessed, and few others, but I still find this difficult to follow.

I'm taking a Women's literature class this year, which seems to kind of be a feminist class--though I don't mind, I think it's probably my favorite class this semester--where I'm learning so much of what being a woman is in our culture and why, and what the Bible says about womanhood.   Anyways, so many things such as being a people-pleaser, always being pretty, etc are mostly ways society objectifies women and are not always Biblical.  God doesn't ask us to be a door-mat or to ignore our own emotions, these are many times what we are taught in society.  So one of my goals is to truly dig in God's word and find out what being a Woman of God looks like.

The picture God gave me to draw the other day during Spiritual Formation Group when we using Art as a way to Hear from God. His lesson for me was patience.

Learning To Say It's Over

Probably one of the hardest things as a girl we will have to learn to do is say the two phrases "no" and "it's over."  As cruel as you may feel saying either of these phrases, if we don't learn to, there will be a lot of unwanted relationships.  I learned this the hard way. I know after being heart-broken, I would never want to mislead anyone cause it would be to do just the same. 

However this summer I fell into this really sad pitfall. I entered too quickly into a long-distance relationship with one of my camp friends.  It seemed to start off pretty well.  His family met mine and we decided to use this relationship as a way to see if we were possibly meant for each other, aka courtship (dating with purpose).  However since I did not want to seem like the typical girl whose relationship status changes from one week to another, even when I saw that things weren't quite working out, or more importantly that he wasn't the one for me I didn't end it.   He didn't do anything specifically wrong; he was sweet, loving, accepting. But he wasn't for me.  I constantly could see different red flags in our relationship but tried to push them aside and accuse the distance as being the factor.   Because I did not have the guts to be the heart-breaker and say that our courtship had reached its goal of determining whether or not we were for each other, I dragged out our relationship without really ever explaining the true hardships I was going through.

I had given him my first kiss and then a week later ended the courtship.  It stank, big time.  For two months I invested time into trying to develop a romantic relationship that now is barely a friendship.  I lost a friend, gave away my first kiss, and left my heart vulnerable again.  With the encouragement and support from close friends, I was finally able to gut up the courage to be the heartless one, and simply stated that I could offer nothing more than friendship.  I spent the weekend feeling depressed and guilty, and yet at the same time relieved.   I was able to just be me and be okay with my relationship status.  I felt horrible for what I had given away but was very encouraged to know that God gives us second chances and that the man God made just for me is still waiting patiently for me too. 

As difficult as it was to say it was over, I'm very glad to know that I chose to reserve my heart for my future husband. I only wish I had done so sooner, not just for my benefit but for my ex-boyfriend's.  The more I drug it out the more attached he became to me, and the less of his own heart he'd have saved for his future spouse.  It's not cruel to say it's over, it's mature and being responsible. If you know that somethings wrong, don't drag it out.  Whether you do it now or later it will still be abrupt, don't delay the inevitable, it will only make things worse.

Learn to wait, don't rush into things.  Don't ignore the red flags. If you know for sure he's not the one, don't drag things out.

Song of Solomon 8:4 

"Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

Guarding Your Heart

So I'm sure most of us have had our heart broken at least once, maybe several times.  I had my first heart-break back in HS and have since had difficulty letting anyone in.  Mostly because letting anyone into your life (especially your heart) is just opening yourself up to heartbreak.  However it seems to me that this has been a HUGE topic in most of my songwriting recently.  In June, I wrote "Hard As Metal" which talks about how when we've been heartbroken, we tend to put up this guard around us and the only way we can change this is by learning to forgive and letting God heal us, and restore us back to flesh.   However we can't confuse forgiving someone as being prepared for a relationship.  If you read my post back in July, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Yes, I had grown a lot of the school year and the summer but I wasn't quite ready for a romantic relationship yet, at least not a long-distance one.

Unfortunately, I believe most girls are in love with the idea of being in love and therefore don't realize that most of the times we don't really love the person.  We love being called beautiful, being treated sweetly, and being seen as special.  One of the most important questions we need to ask ourselves before diving into a relationship is "Do I really love him, or do I just love the fact that he loves me?"  Pretty simple, pretty straight forward. But it will definitely save a lot of heart-break and decisions we may regret in the future.   As I live on-campus and see guys all the time, I wonder if I'll meet my future husband here. Sometimes I feel like trying to become better friends with some of them, just in case.  But then at the same time I remember the pain caused from letting my guard down and wearing my heart on my sleeve and don't know how to react.

Honestly, letting your guard down is probably the hardest thing ever. But I think letting go of the past is even harder.  Sure I may have forgiven the person who broke my heart, but did I forget the pain or forget those feelings I had for him?  No.  What I've realized is not only do I need to pray to God asking Him to heal me but to also help me see my heart-breaker as a brother in Christ, so that I could eventually move on.  

We tend to see it as either blocking people completely out of our lives or wearing our hearts on our sleeve.  I don't believe those are the only options. We are called to share God's love with others, we can do this by treating the men we meet as brothers in Christ rather than just seeing them as husband potential. I'm not saying it is wrong to observe if a guy has the traits needed for your future husband but that should not be the focus of your friendship, and we should never have to lower our standards just to let a guy into our lives.  If he's the one he'll step up. So enjoy being single and develop strong friendships with both guys and girls, and let God lead you till the time is right.

For now, as difficult as it is sometimes, I will patiently wait for God's working in my life to change me into who I should be and lead me to where I am headed in life.

God Bless!

It's October!!

It's finally October! I know time just doesn't not seem to stop flying by, and I feel like I've barely gotten to write anything this year. I guess I just finally decided to stop pretending that I'm an expert on fashion. I really don't know that much about it, I just like to pretend I do, by reading magazines and other people's blogs.  Well, anyways, this is my second month being an 18-year-old.  Definitely different.   I can walk around campus and say for the first time in five years that this is where I'm supposed to be, that I'm no longer a little kid.  But of course with this, comes responsibility.   First of all, I decided to start dressing like an adult.  For the longest time, I'd just wear whatever I thought was cute without realizing that sometimes they were outfits that just made me seem more childlike.  lol.  I also plan on being a responsible student this year, and take better care of my health.  (This includes that new gym membership I got this week! Yay, for being an adult!)

Anyways, I want to make my blog more interesting by focusing on what I know is actually important and on subjects I am a little more knowledgeable about, such as living on-campus, songwriting, and letting God use my life.

God Bless You Everyone and Enjoy This Fall!!

Don't let any moment go to waste,

Invest time in those you care about,

Love those in need,

And Dream Big!