Who I was is not who I am today

Hey everyone!  As the time approaches to start my senior year of college, I keep thinking about the future.  I don't know exactly yet my plan for after school, but I honestly have been trying to change and become more and more the person I want to be, to be the best I can be.  It's a lot harder than just saying I'm gonna change.  Cause you need to make the changes a part of you and who you're becoming.  So I started making simple but steady changes for myself.

1.  De-clutter my life and home.  Letting go of things has been difficult but it makes it sooo much more relaxing.  Whenever my room goes crazy it just seems my entire life feels chaotic.  Limiting the stuff I decide to keep is pretty much choosing what to I want to spend my time stressing about. 

2.  Read my Bible everyday.  It's amazing how something so simple can make such a drastic change.  When you read God's word on a daily basis it just helps you refocus your life on what's really important.

3.  Exercise Consistently.  This one is so easy to slack on, especially when you're sore.  But thankfully with pinterest, I've found great workouts and awesome inspiring quotes.  My goal with this one is not specifically to lose weight but to be able to feel better about my physique.  Being fit and strong makes you feel better like 100% of the time.  You don't have to find as many clothes to make you look good, they just do, and it boosts self confidence, cause even if you might not look great, you feel great.  Exercising creates endorphins which make you more energetic and it helps you sleep better at night.

4.  Control Food Portions.  Nothing stinks worse than making the choice to have an extra portion of food and then not being able to enjoy the flavor or the food because you're overstuffed.  Becoming healthier isn't something you can keep putting off till tomorrow or else you'll just never change.  It starts and continues everyday.  For me, rather than cut out all unhealthy foods I just choose which ones I have.  I won't even the doughnut and have a few chips instead, yea I still ate chips but much better than having both.  Think about it this way, unless it's something you REALLY are craving, just don't have it.   Cause once you have a little, you'll want it all, just avoid it completely.  That way you can save tummy space for what you really want and be able to savor every bite.

I've met so many girls who always seem to appear their best all the time.  Honestly, it's something I wouldn't mind.  I mean who wouldn't want to look stunning even while they're working out. lol  It didn't take a long time to realize it's cause they take care of themselves all the time.  They don't have to do anything out of the ordinary to look amazing. If you already are fit practically any outfit will make you look like a beauty queen.  After realizing all these small changes I've started to make part of my everyday life, I came to the conclusion that I even though I definitely don't look my best all the time.  I actually do take a lot of care of myself, and it feels good.  Makes life just a little easier and happier.  Which I know life isn't about, but why not?  And while I'm taking care of my physical life why not take care of other aspects of life?

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

DIY - Dresser

So a few Saturdays ago, I started the process of fixing up my "new" dresser.  Thankfully I come from a line of carpenters ;)  My dad's a pro at fixing things and building them.   Before I bought the dresser he made me aware of the fact that the top of this beautiful dresser was not actually wood but particle board, thus trying to re-stain the dresser would be futile. However my plan was to paint it, so all I would need to really do is sand down the bumps and make sure to take off the top layer of gloss so the paint would actually stick.  I'd explain all the details of the process but that would take forever..... so here are just a few pics instead!

BEFORE:

Before - $5 from neighbor

Original dents and stains. You can't really see, but there's some water damage on the back part too, where the particle board is a bit swollen.

THE PROCESS:

Removing the hardware

Even though I couldn't re-stain this, we had to do several rounds of sanding. 1) to get rid of bumps, 2) to take off the top layer of gloss so the paint can stick, 3) to smooth everything down, 4) Repeat #3 until you achieve desired finish :) This included filling in little holes and scratches with spackle and other stuff and more sanding.

Dad fixing drawer glide

Filling in the holes

Painting is a lot of fun!

 
By the end, it looked practically brand new! I was soooo proud of myself!  My dad helped explain me what to do, but most of the work I ended up doing myself, so yeah.... :)
Oh yeah, and it took me less than a week to finish this project!

 

Smile!

Hey Everyone!

Summer's been crazy and for some reason I've been having difficulty uploading pics onto blogspot.  So I finally decided to just write a post without pics.

If you hadn't notice smiles and laughter are a big theme here on my blog. For as depressing a person I feel like I am, I'm surprised people almost always describe me as joyful and passionate.  I even had a friend ask me last semester, "how are you always so happy?  I don't think I've ever seen you not smiling."  haha something I wish I could say is true.... but I definitely know I'm not.  Though I think we really do have a choice when it comes to being joyful.

Cause joy and happiness are two very different things, I may not be happy all the time, but I try to remain joyful and look at life optimistically. 

So I'm gonna share a few of my favorite quotes (there are a ton more on my pinterest). These are a select few I have chosen to really take to heart.

• A smile can brighten the darkest day.
• Between every rock and hard place a crack exists from which hope and opportunity can grow.  ~ Steve Baker
• You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
• Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. ~ Oscar Wilde  
• When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be because they take better care of it there ~ Cecil Selig
• The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd, those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before. ~ A. Einstein
• Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
• Better to be hated than be loved for what you're not. ~André Gide
• Coincidences are just miracles in where God prefers to remain anonymous.

*  *  *  *  *  *

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in your life.

God Bless!

Stop Wishing, Start Doing

So it's impossible to tell the entire story of my summer so far cause so much has happened! But as August closes in I realize it's almost time to head back to college, thus I guess I should update you on as much as possible.   These past months I've really focused on actually completing my summer goals this year, than just hoping they'd be accomplished.  One of the biggest ones has been making my bedroom a room I love!  Organized, pretty, one that expresses me.

This has been a difficult process as I've collected lots of clutter while away at college, and when I add it to my room back home... ah, disaster!  So I've been slowly getting rid of things and stealing ideas from pinterest. ;)  It's definitely a miracle worker.  I've made my own ways to store my jewelry.  Such as using soda bottles to store my bracelets and a tie hanger for hanging my necklaces.  I've even learned how to make candles. heehee  I stole the wick from a really ugly smelling candle and used the left-over wax from my former fave candle to create a new candle.


On top of all this, I bought a dresser from a neighbor across the street for $5.  It's not the best, but with some sanding down and a new paint job, I think it will create a beautiful addition to my room :)  It's got really pretty knobs.

Well my amazingly wise older brother told me a really good way to know what to keep and not to.  I have a really difficult time especially when it comes to clothes or things I had as a kid.   Almost everyone's heard of a "To Do" list.  It's a list where you write down all the things you need to do whether it's a homework assignment, a favor, a long term goal, etc.  But not as many people have heard about the "To Be" list.  It's where you write down who or how'd you like to be: honest, organized, responsible, reliable, fit, professional, etc.  This is especially important to the idea of a To Do list.  With a To Be list you can determine what on your To Do list are things that are important to you.  If you want to be responsible finishing that homework assignment would be something important to you, if you want to be dependable or reliable, helping out your friend like you promised you would suddenly becomes a priority.  Same thing comes to the things you keep in your room.  Your bedroom is a metaphor for yourself and represents who you are to others.  When deciding what to keep or not think about whether it lines up with your goals on who you want to be.

Well I'll post again later.

Continue enjoying your summer!

One Step At A Time

Wow! So I didn't realize that my last blog post was way back in April.   Time sure flies!  With finals, moving back home for the summer, getting a job... So I've had barely anytime and the little I have had, I've either spent sleeping or in my new obsession, Pinterest.  But I have one friend who's mentioned several times that I haven't posted anything, so now that I have time I decided, why not?

Anyways my summer has lately consisted of babysitting--my new job.  It's fun and the kid's are amazing, but it definitely wears you out.  I think I finally understand why moms get so tired lol.  On top of that my goals this summer consist of recording at least one of my original songs, organizing my room, and buying a car by the end of the summer.

One thing. If you ever want to complete a goal such as "cleaning your room" you have to be specific.  I completely unpacked all my college junk and such and have found spots for everything but that doesn't mean my goal is complete, in fact it technically can go on forever.  So as a way to know I've completed at least the minimum, I added specific requirements such as: donate at least 2 boxes of clothes and get rid old desktop computer.  This way I have a specific goal that is actually attainable and as soon as I'm done with that I can add another goal to my list, if time permits ;)

Summer is probably one of the hardest seasons for most people, especially students, mostly because we're always used to being super busy and constantly seeing people.  So this summer on top of earning money for my car, I've been trying to dedicate time into developing friendships in my hometown and helping out with my church's youth band (I've even started learning how to play drums.)  Doing all of this has helped me find some purpose to the summer, cause it can sometimes get depressing or boring.  And through it all God has been blessing me more and more.  I started working my second week back from school and just a week ago started to teach private dance lessons.  So my plate's been plenty full.  Hopefully I'll get to post some more, and a little more frequently, but it's getting late-ish, and I need to go to bed soon if I want energy for tomorrow's babysitting. lol

Vintage Style Curls

Ahhh!!! So I found a super easy way to get Vintage Style Curls without heat, which is great since I don't have a curling iron. haha 

But anyway this is absolutely the best! I've always been jealous when I see movies where the actresses have really cute shoulder-length hair, since it feels like I've barely been able to do anything with mine.  Growing your hair out from a pixie cut takes forever!  It's been about 16 months since I've had long hair. :(

It's a little messy in the first pic, cause I had already slept on it... but you can kind of get the idea of what it looks like.  It's so cool, cause it only takes like 15 minutes to put up (the girl in the tutorial takes 13minutes total, and she's explaining everything as she goes.  pretty quick, unless you're internet stops working every few minutes *sigh*)

So I hadn't finished styling the curls cause my roommate is asleep and I didn't want to turn on the light. (there seriously is no door dividing the bedroom from the mirror/sink room (whatever it's called).... but I guess that's how it is at a hotel.

And here it is complete and styled!!

Anyways, you should really watch this tutorial! This girl is amazing!!!

HVZ Continued...

Zombified!

Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!! OMG! These games are getting INTENSE!  Our school is going Crazy! must admit I am too. Lol  But might as well have fun. Though getting homework done this week is very hard, I'm way to distracted.  Jumping at every noise worried it's a human or zombie hahaha.  And the weapons are getting even crazier, not just the usual nerf guns and socks anymore.  People got Nerf blow darts and sock maces.

Anyways continuing with my story, on Tuesday I was infected and became a zombie... thus Wednesday I spent my afternoon spreading the infection, I caught 4 people muahahahahaha! Pretty intense! I only needed 4 more to have the most kills ;) So much fun!!! You also get to meet a lot of other students you didn't know, cause it's almost impossible to survive if you're not in a pack or horde.  But then at the mission last night, the humans won and spread the "cure" to 20 zombies in which I was randomly selected!  Kind of killed my dream to be the ultimate Zombie or do Zombie make-up but I'd have a chance to be the last man standing and to be a Zombie Slayer. :)

Unfortunately those dreams were killed this morning when I was ambushed before my second class today.  I was able to stun two of the zombies with my sock maces but when I grabbed the class' door handle to jump inside to safety I got tagged from behind.  Guess I do get to do Zombie make-up.  It's so hard to decide which I prefer to be Human or Zombie....  My quote on FB pretty much summarizes everything:

"The hardest part of the Zombie Apocalypse is that one hour where you shrink in denial that you have become your enemy. You keep thinking over what you could've done differently, cause deep inside your heart longs to live... while your flesh thirsts for blood, but eventually your heart stops beating and you no longer feel just feed...."  

Thankfully indoors Zombies and Humans can still interact without fear of dying. lol  Even off-campus isn't safe. I hear the zombies infiltrated some of the local coffee shops. Haha

Zombie Slayer with my sock maces ;)

Hunting down humans and turning them to the "dark side"

The Zombie Apocalypse

At the beginning of the day #TeamHumans

So I have no clue if you're school has ever played Humans Vs. Zombies.  But things are going crazy at mine! I've never seen college students get so into a game.  I gotta admit though with the crazy bandanas, socks, and nerf guns everyone was carrying around, I had to join in.  And being as crazy as I am, I had to take advantage of the fact I had my bike on campus and try to sock a few zombies.  Unfortunately I ended up getting cornered and I couldn't just turn around... since the bike was going forwards..... thus Zombified.  Fail.  Guess, I'll just have to become the ultimate Zombie ;)  Why kill the fun?

Today I've been playing it cool, since you have to wait an hour after being tagged to get the full transformation from the infection, and then we were in class, where it is illegal to tag humans or shoot/sock zombies... Nonetheless, my choir teacher socked me in the face, just in case.  And my ride socked me after I promised I wouldn't tag him.... talk about lack of trust. lol

The game lasts till Friday, so maybe I'll go really crazy and dress like a Zombie sometime this week.  Until then, you better watch your backs, because we'll be showing NO MERCY!!

After I caught the infection  #Zombified

What the Sheep is Going On??

SHEEP!!!!

 

It's not everyday you get to take pictures with sheep, but it's definitely not everyday you find sheep munching on the grass around your school.  Apparently my roomie says they were eating the fields by our hotel over spring break lol.

It's just so bizarre to have them here, there's seriously nothing but rocks and these yellow fields, but I guess it's "greener" and easier to have the sheep mow the fields.

And this is why I called it Rock-land..... notice the lack of GRASS.

So I was just thinking of the old song, "Mary Had a Little Lamb" which I could totally see my English teachers looking way to deep into it and saying how it's symbolic and refers to the Virgin Mary giving birth to Jesus who was the lamb without blemish.... etc. and etc..... I guess that's what happens when you study English at a Christian School.  But anyways.  We did have lambs, and they really are stupid, and it makes sense why we're compared to sheep in the Bible.  We need our shepherd!

Amor Ministries: Cristo Me Ama

Aah... there's nothing like taking an extended-spring break to make you not feel being in school anymore. After not doing any homework for two weeks the last thing I want to do is sit through a class lecture.   So much happened over spring break... or should I say the week after.   I didn't know till I got home that my church was having a missions trip to Tecate, Mexico, and I just had to go!  1)  I love working with the kids in Mexico, 2) I'm one of the only fluent Spanish-speakers in my church, 3) I was only going to be missing three days of school and two of my classes were canceled anyways ;)

 
There's no better way to fully understand God's love than stepping out of your comfort zone and serving others.  Going on mission trips to Mexico have been by far one of the most fulfilling and favorite things to do.  This was my third missions trip to Mexico and every time God manages to show His amazing power in different ways. 

This year we had from 40-60 students at our Vacation Bible School, which lasted four days.  Through sunshine and rain we were able to share God's story with them.

Helping the younger students who couldn't read memorize their Bible verses by using hand motions

Making lunches for the Mexican children

Every year we deal with different hardships.   When we went two years ago we fought a fire, had an earthquake, a missing 2-year-old at our VBS, and crazy winds that broke the rods of all our tents.  This year however we dealt with rain, leaky tents, really cold weather.

Going to another country and especially the parts that in poverty really display to us how blessed we truly are.   For an entire week, we got to shower using solar showers and buckets.  We slept in tents.  We used outhouses (aka port-a-potties).  And they live in conditions like this or worse, everyday.  And yet, when I see these people they do not express anger or jealously but real joy and gratefulness for our willingness to come serve them.

Washing our feet at the "showers"

The house our construction crew built. 

I use to get really frustrated when some of the students would steal extra lunches, till it dawned on me that they were trying to because they didn't have food at home.  Many of these kids have heard of Jesus and God but didn't know it's even possible to get to heaven that Jesus died for them.

EASTER CELEBRATES THE FACT THAT: Jesus died for our sins and conquered death by raising from the dead, and because of that we can go to heaven one day.

That's why I think it was amazing to spend my Easter sharing that with my VBS kids, I definitely miss them and I don't know if I'll ever see them again, but at least I know that I can see them in heaven one day because now they know that God Loves Them.

GOD BLESS YOU!

Hey There Girlfriend!

Yesterday was absolutely amazing.  I got to reunite with my bestie from the dorms.  We only live like half hour drive away from each other, however without either of us having cars, we barely get to hang out.  You never realize how much you miss someone until you see them after a long time.  We seriously talked the entire time. Ultimate girl talk!  Except for the few times she explained how things were going with her boyfriend we didn't talk about guys... just girl talk: nails, clothes, bras, shoes, jewelry, Hunger Games, make-up, soaps, perfume, everything and anything girly that you'd find in a mall.

This girl here despite the fact we rarely see each other is definitely still one of my best friends and hopefully will be for years to come.  She's the one who got me into the Hunger Games (in spring 2011), into blogging, into magazines.... She brought out my girly side.  My sister from another mister.... and mom lol

There are so many special women in my life right now... I doubt I could mention everyone without forgetting someone.  But it's made me realize how vital girlfriends are in our lives.  They just understand us in ways a guy never can and never will be able to.  Whether it comes to our strange obsessions with looking cute or why we get so crabby once a month or how going to the mall is actually healthy for us girls  :)

Plus I don't know if you've ever gotten fitted for your bra size...  interesting stuff.  It's definitely incredible what you find out.  Most of us actually wear the wrong size and wonder why we never get the support we need. 

Well anyways, after six hours of exploring the mall with my girlfriend I realized, that in this past year I've definitely developed a better fashion sense, and one that's more age-appropriate. No more dressing like an elementary student. And it makes me really wanna write fashion posts again.  So what if I'm not an expert? I enjoy it, and I hope you do too! :)  Practice makes perfect, anyways.... right?  And if you're ever bored.... feel free to check out my new tumblr: http://lifelaughterandsmiles.tumblr.com/

I wish this were my closet..... one of those things guys will never get

So what if I jumped the band wagon?

I honestly don't care what people say about the Hunger Games.  They can say I jumped the band wagon cause I didn't read it till February, but does it really matter?  The series was still AMAZING!   Just cause everyone else read it first doesn't change the storyline.   I definitely recommend it to those of you who still haven't gotten the chance to read it.

The storyline is so much deeper than just a love triangle.  Katniss was a real heroine.  Strong, brave, loving, someone you could definitely look up to.   It's a must-read!

Well anyways the movie came out on Thursday, March 23, 2012. and as a die-hard fan of the books I HAD to go see the movie, I was gonna go today with my girlfriend from the dorms, but lucky for me.... my friends accidentally bought an extra ticket to the midnight premiere!   I don't think I've ever been soooo excited!  I actually started crying tears of joy right before the movie started lol





The movie was soooo good.  I felt like it was a bit rushed, but as with any book turned into a movie, there are minor details that will always be missed.  However it definitely stuck to the book and the actors were perfect. The movie just brought to life everything I couldn't actually imagine.  Reading the book first I felt like also filled in all those extra gaps that couldn't be spoken, life all of the character's thoughts.  and I won't give anything away for those who haven't seen the movie yet.... but Katniss' dress was LEGIT! So...

Let the Hunger Games begin, and may the odds be ever in your favor  ;)

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

If you've never taken group classes such as Zumba or Yoga. I definitely recommend them.  Nothing gets you up and moving like dancing.  Today I've totally been stuck on music from Grease and Mamma Mia.   I love the genre, it's just so upbeat and fun!

So Sara Bareilles' video for "Gonna Get Over You" has got to be my favorite music video!  Her fashion choice is totally awesome.  Very Grease. White sneakers, denim jeans, white-T, leather jacket. LOVE IT!  Plus she looks like she's having so much fun!  Who wouldn't want to just dance and sing down the aisles of a grocery store? This is totally me.




















I'll admit I'm one of those crazy people you see randomly dancing down the streets and hallways......  I even did it today.  The question shouldn't be why, rather Why Not?

Dance Like Nobody's Watching, Sing Like Nobody's Listening,  
Live Like Today's All You Got

and if time ever stood still...

I can assure you, it would happen in that split moment when your heart reaches the maximum adrenaline, the rain beating against your face, fresh air rushing into your lungs, and life's song blasting in your ear.

* * *

Maybe it's the fact that spring break and summer are coming up. Or that it helps me sleep better at night.  Perhaps it's cause for a brief moment life pauses, and winning the race again time seems possible.  Then again, it's probably just because I can.  

But I've started running.  I've never been a runner.  In fact, I've never been able to run before.  Last semester I'd barely last two minutes before I'd be out of breath.  However, this week has been different.  I've really pushed myself to do something new, and I slowly started building up my stamina till yesterday I successfully ran for an entire hour. 

I usually despise the rain, however the other day, my friend and I decided to run outside despite the weather since neither of the treadmills in the workout room were running.  Wow.  Incredible.  It was just the picture I needed to know it's possible to survive the storms in life, in fact, it's possible to thrive despite them.  It's what inspired my song.  God's been teaching me how to see the beauty in trials.  The silver lining in a cloudy day.  Today I actually rushed out flip-flops, shorts, hair undone, no jacket into the hailstorm outside.  Beauty in pain.  So refreshing.  I felt so alive.  Just twirling, feet splashing in icy water, singing out, "and I will dance in the rain."  With a head lifted to heaven, smile shining into the rainy day, arms outstretched, I let the hail beat against my skin. 

Anyways.  Running feels amazing.  Yes, I've been running indoors... but it still feels great.  The endorphins released when working out are sooo addicting!  Lol.  You know, when people say running isn't about what you physically can do but what you put your head to.  They're right. 

Well have a great day, I think I'm gonna go for another run ;)

LOVE ALWAYS!

 

"Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..." 

(Hebrews 12:1b)

Table Set For Two

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, 

He will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."  

(James 1:12)

There's nothing like spending a rainy day embraced in God's presence.  I may not see Him physically, but He's definitely there, speaking the exact words I need to hear, patiently waiting for me to just listen. 

At first I wasn't sure how exactly to spend a date with Jesus.  After several minutes of just staring at the index of my Bible I decided to read James.  It felt like every verse was written specifically for me. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of faith develops perseverance." (James 1:2-3)  Before I even knew it, I had finished the entire book.  It made enduring today so much easier.  Life didn't feel quite so empty.  Slowly but surely my heart beat a little stronger, a little more passionately, more joyously.  I even started songwriting about life with a genuine happiness.  As trite as it may seem I started writing about learning to dance in the rain.  

A few sneak peaks into my life.  [1]  Chocolate & Piano, my two best friends when I'm sad.  [2] My new songwriting notebook (a gift from my bestie Ashley), it's extra special cause it has regular paper on one side and staff paper on the other side, a cute cover.  [3] My songwriting corner: keyboard, Bible, iPod, all the wonders  [4] The amazing fire in the downstairs lobby [5] and the super comfy sofas there too :)

Rip open the skies,

Let the rains pour, 

Release the rainbow concealed in the storm. 

The waters can beat,

Till I’m on my knees 

But still I will learn how to dance in the storm, 

And I will dance in the rain...

Random Facts About Me:

• I live in a hotel.  
• If you looked at my facebook you would never believe that I can't write happy songs, cause I always seem to find at least one good thing to update my FB on.
• I graduated Community College at age 16.
• Piano has become my favorite instrument, but in reality I always wanted to play guitar
• My dream is to eventually be able to write like Sara Bareilles.
• People tend to describe me as passionate, joyful, and vibrant!  I don't know how that happens, I feel so bummed and out of it most of the time. lol
• I love the smell of coffee, but I don't really drink it.... I take 95% whole milk and then a teeny-weeny bit of coffee then a hot cocoa packet (poor man's mocha!)  Yes, I like coffee with my milk ;)
• I absolutely hate being sprinkled by water... Water guns are Evil!!  I tolerate the rain.... but still.
• Butterflies have been one of my favorite things in life since childhood.
• I've always wanted to paint like Bob Ross
• I was a tom-boy growing up.  climbing trees, playing with (toy)guns, rough-housing, etc.  
• Romantic comedies are my favorite movies
• Cookies and cake? Not appealing.  However Ice-Cream.... All day, any day :)
• I love falling asleep at my piano
• I don't really know how to dance many styles of music. I just pretend I do and every one believes I do. hehe
• I love to blog, though I have no idea ever what to really say
• I like to pretend I'm a fashion expert, even though I grew up in a households with brothers and no sisters haha
• I tried to pack "light" for this semester and..... I brought more shoes than I brought clothes :-/
• Being spontaneous is fun!
• My celebrity crush growing up was Pierce Brosnan. 
• I talk ALL the time
• I could never get a tatoo cause I like to switch things up too often.... (e.g. my hair)
• I'm so good at procrastinating I could probably get a degree in it.
• When I was a kid I use to daydream all the time. I was so distracted when it came to school... I always thought that it was bad, but now I'm a Creative Writing major. Daydream away! Lol
• I used to want to be a singer when I was little but I decided it wasn't possible cause I'd have to sing my own songs, and now I songwrite all the time.  dream, here I come! 
• Why try for music? barely anyone gets anywhere..... barely but not no one. cause someone does!  that means I have a chance :)
• I live in Rock-land! 
• I sing along with the radio when I'm at the gym.  No shame! gotta live up life.
• My big heart and passion have always been my downfall.... I always manage to pour wholeheartedly into the wrong areas.  Is loving on people too much even possible?? Apparently!
• I've come to realize I'm a lot stronger than I thought, especially these past two years living at college.  It's all about learning how to dance in the rain.

Head Under Water... Literally

Rainy days always seem to have an overly powerful affect on my emotions.  I'm not sure why...  today it hit me really hard. I actually seriously considered throwing on shorts and a tank top and just standing outside in the cold rain. Maybe it's cause my teardrops really wanted to hang out with their cousins the raindrops.  But with the type of wind we get here there was no way I would be able to chill in the rain without getting sick and I didn't really feel like taking a third shower today.  Thus the hot tub and pool were ruled out with that too.  

Chocolate, however, really is an amazing gift from God.  I know I've been working out a ton and trying to develop healthier habits and such but every once in a while we need to be allowed to indulge in these great gifts.  Coffee, gummy warms, chocolate, hot chocolate, piano, girlfriends, Sara Bareilles.  Is there any better way to spend a tearfilled day?  I don't think there really is. 

The other day I found this anonymous letter in my school mailbox.  I honestly had no clue how to react.  Half of me felt extremely touched, the other part was wondering how the heck whoever it was knew what I was thinking, and then slightly angry at whoever would play such a torturous trick on someone really struggling with something so serious.  Then I realized they had been placed in all the mailboxes and it kind of lost its magic but I guess I couldn't be angry at anyone lol.  I'm convinced though that Papa God put it there at that exact moment cause it was what I really needed to hear. 

Today's been difficult, thankfully God always manages to bring just the right people in my life when I need them.  You can never have too many close girlfriends.

Sometimes it's really difficult to stay strong. The problem with pouring everything into a person is you become deeply attached.  Life seems dull and purposeless when they're not involved.  Even though most of my day has been comprised of trying to spoil and care for me, myself, and I; I keep finding myself trying to find an excuse to hangout in the lobby, by the pool, or the workout room, and I know myself well enough to know it's cause I'm looking for him.   I'm not passing by his suite, texting him, or anything like that, but he's just become such a big part of my life it feels empty when he's not around.  Maybe it's cause I really am empty, from pouring too much of myself out for him.

So I really wanna start pouring into my relationship with God but I honestly don't know where to start, I feel like I always start reading my Bible in Esther. heehee.  What girl doesn't love a story with an inspirational heroine?  Plus there's a beauty contest in it! Biblical version of the Bachelor lol. 

Anyways a girl will never be able to develop a healthy relationship with a guy if they don't have a good relationship with their father (that includes God!) so I think it's time I spend some well needed time with Papa God, we'll probably just have a date downstairs where I can just munch on candies, watch the rain, and drink endless amounts of FREE hot chocolate and milk <3   I will probably call my actual daddy later too. I miss him a lot.

May God Bless You and Give You the Strength To Pull Through One Day At A Time,

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalms 147:3