Life After College

"Diploma being placed in my hand, am I ready to face the world in which I stand?"

What does come after college?  Grad school? Marriage? Babies? A full time job? A big black gaping hole??

Sometimes I see a cliff overlooking darkness.  Other times I don't know what I see... or if i see anything at all.  I just spent two decades of my life earning this degree and now I'm not sure where I'm headed.  I'm not getting married. Psh, I don't even have a boyfriend. I'm definitely not financially independent. And going back to school wasn't part of my plan.  I wanted to work on my music, record a cd and maybe even become famous! What I got instead was to move back in with my parents, indefinitely, (I love them TONS but I gotta say it's def an adjustment after spending three years on my own at college) and the realization that going to grad school would have probably been a lot less scary than figuring out what to do with my life. As a nineteen year old college graduate, you'd think I'd be well set on my way to having a successful career.

Of course, along with my twentieth birthday came the responsibility of bills and getting a "real job."  After all I was a grown adult now, pros and cons.  I found myself working at several places: as a choreographer for a small youth theatre company, a babysitter at my church, and the ballroom dance instructor at my old high school.  My free time was quickly used up pursuing my passion for dance, and slowly I  stopped writing as consistently, set down my guitar, till eventually almost all my spare time was being spent with our local CSU's competitive ballroom team, which I joined this  semester.

The scariest thing is that I was way more sure of where I was headed before I graduated, and now my entire world has flipped!  God blessed me with so many new friends, the opportunity to take dance again, and be with my family.  It seems the happier I am, the less dependent I am on songwriting.  I don't need to express my sadness in lyrical genius anymore, I can just dance and love everyone around me.  And as scary as the future might be, I know it'll be okay cause I got God and my family here with me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans for good and not for evil to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

God Works In Mysterious Ways

I must say there is probably nothing more nerve-wrecking than being asked to sing the National Anthem half hour before you need to be performing it.  Well, that happened to me on Friday.  My friend, Dalton, was unable to sing at the Volleyball game and was asked to find someone else who could sing instead, so he asked me. Wow! Was I honored!  Very last minute, but definitely a blessing.  

God is so good. All the time.  Even when it seems like life is going wrong in every possible way, He's there, working through every small detail.  Last school year was an extremely rough year for me.  I struggled academically, physically, and emotionally.  I even thought of not coming back again.  But I am so blessed I did.  I have the best roommate ever.  She's a sparkling example of what it means to be a Woman of God and a really good friend.   However our story of how we became roommates is so totally random.  I had filled out all my housing papers for this school year, without a roommate or any apartment mates.  My only hope was that God would bring the right people in my life.  So I showed up for room-draw, hoping to at least be able to choose an apartment with people I knew I didn't dislike, and while I was standing in line, I saw my classmate, Alison.  So being the friendly and talkative person I am I approached her and asked her what was her plan. Surprise, surprise.  She didn't have a roommate or apartment mates either.  Perfect Match!  

She has honestly been a blessing from God, we barely knew each other and now she's one of my closest friends. Unfortunately we only get to room together this semester cause she's graduating and marrying in December! But I'm still excited for her. :) Her fiance is another remarkable person and I absolutely enjoy seeing how in love and how God-centered their relationship.  God knows I struggle with waiting for the right person when there seem to be no good guys out there. But seeing the two of them is a great reminder that out there somewhere, God has the perfect match for me.

Whether it's through people or opportunities God presents in our lives, He's always there, blessing us.  When I see the bad, I try to not see it as punishment but as a trial that we must overcome.   Who would want a life without any hardships? Because of hardships we can see the blessings, they also make us stronger and better people.  Even when we seem to make decisions for the wrong reasons, it does not always mean it's the wrong decisions, sometimes God uses totally unrelated circumstances to reroute our direction in life, He sure did it for me.  I praise God for working in mysterious ways, if not I probably would not listen. lol

L-O-V-E

So I know Easter was on Sunday, and now it's Friday, but I really felt that as a strong believer of Christ His death on the cross and then His resurrection.  I should write something about this.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13

Christ's death on the cross was a symbol of His love for us. L-O-V-E. Something of what I have definitely needed lately.  School is finally coming to an end.  We have one last week of classes and a week of finals followed by a five-day choir tour to Washington.  Though some of this may sound fun and exciting. It's really not.  I have been so stressed, and on top of that, things at home have been pretty tough too.

Spring break was completely different from what I planned.  I hoped to organize my room, take stuff back home, rest, practice for my music classes, complete some homework, finish the research for my music paper, etc.  Well lot's just say pretty much none of this happened.  As we were driving home we got a phone calling saying my grandma (from my dad's side) had fallen and had to be taken to the hospital.  Not good.  We got home Friday night, went out of town for my 3-yr-old cousin's b-day Saturday and then returned Sunday evening.  Things were okay at this point.  But Monday evening my grandpa moved in with us, and we didn't know for how long.  I had spent all Monday finally unpacking and doing laundry I had procrastinated on while at college.  Our house is just barely big enough for us and my room is the only one available for guests and as much as my parents wanted me to be able to sleep in my own room we didn't have anywhere else for my grandpa to stay.  So I switched back and forth between sleeping on the spare mattress in my little brother's room and sleeping on the floor in my older brother's music studio.  This was okay, but it was a pain in the butt to be dragging around my stuff. I couldn't just leave it in my room, my little brother didn't have space in his room, and the music studio had to be used for my brother's music lessons he taught.  I felt like a nomad.... in my own house.  Not very relaxing.  Plus I realized smart me had left my entire music folder in my dorm room.  So much for that.

Overall it wasn't bad. I really enjoyed spending time with my family.  Especially getting to know my little brother more.  He has grown up so much over the past year, he's a little man now.   The real hard part was returning to school.  The group I was carpooling with decided we should just drive up Tuesday morning in time for our 9:30am class, instead of Monday so we could spend the extra day at home.   Monday was probably my favorite day of Spring Break, but why did I agree to this?  6am is too early to be awake.   I was so exhausted by the middle of the day, and I was already not feeling my best since I had gotten sick over break (no voice, stuffy nose, sore throat, cough. eek!)  So I was standing in the risers during choir when I felt so tired I was about to fall asleep standing up while singing, is that even possible???  I finally decided to sit cause I seriously almost fell from the second row of the risers.... probably not too safe.  Then my eye started to itch... really bad.   Yep, I had gotten pink eye.  This pretty much ruined my week.   No one warned my that my little cousin we had visited at the beginning of spring break was sick and had pink eye.   Argh!!!!  

Thus I haven't blogging a lot recently since I could barely stand using my eyes, they'd been itching and stinging so bad all week.  And living in the dorms is not as fun as everyone makes it out to be.  They NEVER shut-up!!!  All the girls have seriously since I got back have been screaming and giggling non-stop, and it's not helping my mood at all. I feel like crap.... (excuse my language.) and am not myself right now.  and I can't tell you how sad I was last night when I was sitting in our living room doing homework when I heard them running and screaming after quiet hours "OMG!!! We're going to pull an all-nighter and watch the Royal Wedding."

So in the end back to Easter.  I just feel like I need a big dose of God's Love.  Some patience, energy, and strength.   but a lot of love.  I hate living with girls.  They're such back-stabbers, noisy, and annoying, and I am definitely looking forward to moving into the apartments with the upper class-men.  instead of 16 girls we will only have 8.   Praise The Lord!

I honestly thank the Lord for His sacrifice for us.  He gave up His only son Jesus, cause He loved us, despite our hatred or anger toward Him, despite our faults and failures.  He Loved Us.  He Died For Us.  I don't know if I will ever be able to come close to the way He loves us.   But Easter is not about His death but the fact that Jesus defeated death by coming back to life.  So we can be assured a free gift of life in heaven with Him if we only accept it.   God is love.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."  

1 Corinthians 13:4-7