Coincidence or God?

Throughout life there have been many things I have pondered whether were truly just coincidences or something more.  Like back in college, it never rained until after I arrived at work.  I'd walk to work almost everyday, but never in the rain. Would it be too much to say "that is God"?  Are there things that truly are from God?

Over the past few weeks, since I started attending a new women's Bible study and diving in the Word so many things have been happening.

It started a little into our study of "Blessed Is She" based on Luke 1:45, "Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!"

 

I like to consider myself to be someone with strong faith and courage, like Esther. But I find myself being more of a Thomas--a doubter. One week during our study we wrote lies we sometimes believe onto the back of 3x4 cards, and then the truths on the other side.  My lie was: "God will not follow through on His promises."  It didn't take long for me to forget what I had written and just move one, but I find that lie still lingering.

Every week, we elected a different girl to be prayed for, and despite being new to this group, I was chosen rather quickly.  We would pray for the person and the Bible passage they had chosen as their promise from God for 2015.  Mine was Micah 7:5-7, "Do not trust a neighbor; put no confidence in a friend. Even with her who lies in your embrace be careful of your words... But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me."  I felt so blessed to hear the girls' prayers, words, and pictures God brought to their mind for me.

A week later, I visited my friend's charismatic church.  (Just know, if you ever visit a charismatic church, you WILL hear from God. lol.)  Sometimes I feel skeptical of prophecies, and tongues can make me feel uncomfortable at times, but I also believe in a God of miracles and that nothing is impossible with Him.

Anyways, I missed the whole worship set because of traffic and taking the wrong exit... whoops! And mid-sermon got distracted by a text message from a very good college friend of mine who happened to be in town at that exact moment and wanted to meet up.  I was enjoying the lesson thoroughly but couldn't pass up the opportunity to see a close friend I hadn't seen in over a year. The service had just ended and the prayers were calling up people they believed God was speaking to that night.  I was waiting for a last text to tell me where to meet, when suddenly one of the girls pointed straight into the pews at me.  I had to disconnect myself from my phone and listen to what God wanted to say. Wandering up to the front, I felt afraid and nervous. In the moment, everything was a blur.  There were so many distractions: my phone I left on the pew, the hands on my shoulders and back, the dizzy and light sensation I was feeling, the occasional person praying in tongues.  When I returned to my seat, my phone had a missed call and text. My friend's phone had died.  I had almost missed God's reason for me being there that night. After the service, another girl approached me and gave me another word.  It's hard to explain what exactly were her words and what happened, but it touched my soul and cut through fears I was holding onto tightly.

Growing up in a conservative non-denominational church, the Holy Spirit and supernatural was kind of a subject swept under the rug. Nobody really mentioned it, but there was no denying this and saying it was all made up.  These people did not know me at all and yet spoke into my life about areas that I needed to know that God had not abandoned. The craziest thing was that the words aligned perfectly with what the girls at my Bible study had also prayed and spoke over me. And many of the words overlapped with things God had been telling me individually as well.

I wish hearing from God made things easier.  But it hasn't, it just gives hope. It still is hard to hear when God blesses others and my dreams seem to be rotting away. It fills me with jealousy and anger, things I don't want to feel, like abandonment, like I'm being lied to. Can God? Will God really follow through on His promises? I recalled to my father today everything the pastor spoke during the sermon that Saturday, how we are made strong in our weaknesses, so that God can be exalted, rather than ourselves. I then handed him the old set of house keys my mother had randomly just given to me. They came with a key chain reading, "God keeps his promises." We both quietly chuckled over the coincidence. When I opened up my daily devotion minutes later, 2 Corinthians 12:9a was written at the top, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'."  

Coincidence or God?

Life After College

"Diploma being placed in my hand, am I ready to face the world in which I stand?"

What does come after college?  Grad school? Marriage? Babies? A full time job? A big black gaping hole??

Sometimes I see a cliff overlooking darkness.  Other times I don't know what I see... or if i see anything at all.  I just spent two decades of my life earning this degree and now I'm not sure where I'm headed.  I'm not getting married. Psh, I don't even have a boyfriend. I'm definitely not financially independent. And going back to school wasn't part of my plan.  I wanted to work on my music, record a cd and maybe even become famous! What I got instead was to move back in with my parents, indefinitely, (I love them TONS but I gotta say it's def an adjustment after spending three years on my own at college) and the realization that going to grad school would have probably been a lot less scary than figuring out what to do with my life. As a nineteen year old college graduate, you'd think I'd be well set on my way to having a successful career.

Of course, along with my twentieth birthday came the responsibility of bills and getting a "real job."  After all I was a grown adult now, pros and cons.  I found myself working at several places: as a choreographer for a small youth theatre company, a babysitter at my church, and the ballroom dance instructor at my old high school.  My free time was quickly used up pursuing my passion for dance, and slowly I  stopped writing as consistently, set down my guitar, till eventually almost all my spare time was being spent with our local CSU's competitive ballroom team, which I joined this  semester.

The scariest thing is that I was way more sure of where I was headed before I graduated, and now my entire world has flipped!  God blessed me with so many new friends, the opportunity to take dance again, and be with my family.  It seems the happier I am, the less dependent I am on songwriting.  I don't need to express my sadness in lyrical genius anymore, I can just dance and love everyone around me.  And as scary as the future might be, I know it'll be okay cause I got God and my family here with me.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans for good and not for evil to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

Who I was is not who I am today

Hey everyone!  As the time approaches to start my senior year of college, I keep thinking about the future.  I don't know exactly yet my plan for after school, but I honestly have been trying to change and become more and more the person I want to be, to be the best I can be.  It's a lot harder than just saying I'm gonna change.  Cause you need to make the changes a part of you and who you're becoming.  So I started making simple but steady changes for myself.

1.  De-clutter my life and home.  Letting go of things has been difficult but it makes it sooo much more relaxing.  Whenever my room goes crazy it just seems my entire life feels chaotic.  Limiting the stuff I decide to keep is pretty much choosing what to I want to spend my time stressing about. 

2.  Read my Bible everyday.  It's amazing how something so simple can make such a drastic change.  When you read God's word on a daily basis it just helps you refocus your life on what's really important.

3.  Exercise Consistently.  This one is so easy to slack on, especially when you're sore.  But thankfully with pinterest, I've found great workouts and awesome inspiring quotes.  My goal with this one is not specifically to lose weight but to be able to feel better about my physique.  Being fit and strong makes you feel better like 100% of the time.  You don't have to find as many clothes to make you look good, they just do, and it boosts self confidence, cause even if you might not look great, you feel great.  Exercising creates endorphins which make you more energetic and it helps you sleep better at night.

4.  Control Food Portions.  Nothing stinks worse than making the choice to have an extra portion of food and then not being able to enjoy the flavor or the food because you're overstuffed.  Becoming healthier isn't something you can keep putting off till tomorrow or else you'll just never change.  It starts and continues everyday.  For me, rather than cut out all unhealthy foods I just choose which ones I have.  I won't even the doughnut and have a few chips instead, yea I still ate chips but much better than having both.  Think about it this way, unless it's something you REALLY are craving, just don't have it.   Cause once you have a little, you'll want it all, just avoid it completely.  That way you can save tummy space for what you really want and be able to savor every bite.

I've met so many girls who always seem to appear their best all the time.  Honestly, it's something I wouldn't mind.  I mean who wouldn't want to look stunning even while they're working out. lol  It didn't take a long time to realize it's cause they take care of themselves all the time.  They don't have to do anything out of the ordinary to look amazing. If you already are fit practically any outfit will make you look like a beauty queen.  After realizing all these small changes I've started to make part of my everyday life, I came to the conclusion that I even though I definitely don't look my best all the time.  I actually do take a lot of care of myself, and it feels good.  Makes life just a little easier and happier.  Which I know life isn't about, but why not?  And while I'm taking care of my physical life why not take care of other aspects of life?

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

DIY - Dresser

So a few Saturdays ago, I started the process of fixing up my "new" dresser.  Thankfully I come from a line of carpenters ;)  My dad's a pro at fixing things and building them.   Before I bought the dresser he made me aware of the fact that the top of this beautiful dresser was not actually wood but particle board, thus trying to re-stain the dresser would be futile. However my plan was to paint it, so all I would need to really do is sand down the bumps and make sure to take off the top layer of gloss so the paint would actually stick.  I'd explain all the details of the process but that would take forever..... so here are just a few pics instead!

BEFORE:

Before - $5 from neighbor

Original dents and stains. You can't really see, but there's some water damage on the back part too, where the particle board is a bit swollen.

THE PROCESS:

Removing the hardware

Even though I couldn't re-stain this, we had to do several rounds of sanding. 1) to get rid of bumps, 2) to take off the top layer of gloss so the paint can stick, 3) to smooth everything down, 4) Repeat #3 until you achieve desired finish :) This included filling in little holes and scratches with spackle and other stuff and more sanding.

Dad fixing drawer glide

Filling in the holes

Painting is a lot of fun!

 
By the end, it looked practically brand new! I was soooo proud of myself!  My dad helped explain me what to do, but most of the work I ended up doing myself, so yeah.... :)
Oh yeah, and it took me less than a week to finish this project!

 

Smile!

Hey Everyone!

Summer's been crazy and for some reason I've been having difficulty uploading pics onto blogspot.  So I finally decided to just write a post without pics.

If you hadn't notice smiles and laughter are a big theme here on my blog. For as depressing a person I feel like I am, I'm surprised people almost always describe me as joyful and passionate.  I even had a friend ask me last semester, "how are you always so happy?  I don't think I've ever seen you not smiling."  haha something I wish I could say is true.... but I definitely know I'm not.  Though I think we really do have a choice when it comes to being joyful.

Cause joy and happiness are two very different things, I may not be happy all the time, but I try to remain joyful and look at life optimistically. 

So I'm gonna share a few of my favorite quotes (there are a ton more on my pinterest). These are a select few I have chosen to really take to heart.

• A smile can brighten the darkest day.
• Between every rock and hard place a crack exists from which hope and opportunity can grow.  ~ Steve Baker
• You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.
• Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. ~ Oscar Wilde  
• When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be because they take better care of it there ~ Cecil Selig
• The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd, those who walk alone are likely to find themselves in places no one has ever been before. ~ A. Einstein
• Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain.
• Better to be hated than be loved for what you're not. ~André Gide
• Coincidences are just miracles in where God prefers to remain anonymous.

*  *  *  *  *  *

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in your life.

God Bless!

Stop Wishing, Start Doing

So it's impossible to tell the entire story of my summer so far cause so much has happened! But as August closes in I realize it's almost time to head back to college, thus I guess I should update you on as much as possible.   These past months I've really focused on actually completing my summer goals this year, than just hoping they'd be accomplished.  One of the biggest ones has been making my bedroom a room I love!  Organized, pretty, one that expresses me.

This has been a difficult process as I've collected lots of clutter while away at college, and when I add it to my room back home... ah, disaster!  So I've been slowly getting rid of things and stealing ideas from pinterest. ;)  It's definitely a miracle worker.  I've made my own ways to store my jewelry.  Such as using soda bottles to store my bracelets and a tie hanger for hanging my necklaces.  I've even learned how to make candles. heehee  I stole the wick from a really ugly smelling candle and used the left-over wax from my former fave candle to create a new candle.


On top of all this, I bought a dresser from a neighbor across the street for $5.  It's not the best, but with some sanding down and a new paint job, I think it will create a beautiful addition to my room :)  It's got really pretty knobs.

Well my amazingly wise older brother told me a really good way to know what to keep and not to.  I have a really difficult time especially when it comes to clothes or things I had as a kid.   Almost everyone's heard of a "To Do" list.  It's a list where you write down all the things you need to do whether it's a homework assignment, a favor, a long term goal, etc.  But not as many people have heard about the "To Be" list.  It's where you write down who or how'd you like to be: honest, organized, responsible, reliable, fit, professional, etc.  This is especially important to the idea of a To Do list.  With a To Be list you can determine what on your To Do list are things that are important to you.  If you want to be responsible finishing that homework assignment would be something important to you, if you want to be dependable or reliable, helping out your friend like you promised you would suddenly becomes a priority.  Same thing comes to the things you keep in your room.  Your bedroom is a metaphor for yourself and represents who you are to others.  When deciding what to keep or not think about whether it lines up with your goals on who you want to be.

Well I'll post again later.

Continue enjoying your summer!

One Step At A Time

Wow! So I didn't realize that my last blog post was way back in April.   Time sure flies!  With finals, moving back home for the summer, getting a job... So I've had barely anytime and the little I have had, I've either spent sleeping or in my new obsession, Pinterest.  But I have one friend who's mentioned several times that I haven't posted anything, so now that I have time I decided, why not?

Anyways my summer has lately consisted of babysitting--my new job.  It's fun and the kid's are amazing, but it definitely wears you out.  I think I finally understand why moms get so tired lol.  On top of that my goals this summer consist of recording at least one of my original songs, organizing my room, and buying a car by the end of the summer.

One thing. If you ever want to complete a goal such as "cleaning your room" you have to be specific.  I completely unpacked all my college junk and such and have found spots for everything but that doesn't mean my goal is complete, in fact it technically can go on forever.  So as a way to know I've completed at least the minimum, I added specific requirements such as: donate at least 2 boxes of clothes and get rid old desktop computer.  This way I have a specific goal that is actually attainable and as soon as I'm done with that I can add another goal to my list, if time permits ;)

Summer is probably one of the hardest seasons for most people, especially students, mostly because we're always used to being super busy and constantly seeing people.  So this summer on top of earning money for my car, I've been trying to dedicate time into developing friendships in my hometown and helping out with my church's youth band (I've even started learning how to play drums.)  Doing all of this has helped me find some purpose to the summer, cause it can sometimes get depressing or boring.  And through it all God has been blessing me more and more.  I started working my second week back from school and just a week ago started to teach private dance lessons.  So my plate's been plenty full.  Hopefully I'll get to post some more, and a little more frequently, but it's getting late-ish, and I need to go to bed soon if I want energy for tomorrow's babysitting. lol