So I'm sure most of us have had our heart broken at least once, maybe several times. I had my first heart-break back in HS and have since had difficulty letting anyone in. Mostly because letting anyone into your life (especially your heart) is just opening yourself up to heartbreak. However it seems to me that this has been a HUGE topic in most of my songwriting recently. In June, I wrote "Hard As Metal" which talks about how when we've been heartbroken, we tend to put up this guard around us and the only way we can change this is by learning to forgive and letting God heal us, and restore us back to flesh. However we can't confuse forgiving someone as being prepared for a relationship. If you read my post back in July, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. Yes, I had grown a lot of the school year and the summer but I wasn't quite ready for a romantic relationship yet, at least not a long-distance one.
Unfortunately, I believe most girls are in love with the idea of being in love and therefore don't realize that most of the times we don't really love the person. We love being called beautiful, being treated sweetly, and being seen as special. One of the most important questions we need to ask ourselves before diving into a relationship is "Do I really love him, or do I just love the fact that he loves me?" Pretty simple, pretty straight forward. But it will definitely save a lot of heart-break and decisions we may regret in the future. As I live on-campus and see guys all the time, I wonder if I'll meet my future husband here. Sometimes I feel like trying to become better friends with some of them, just in case. But then at the same time I remember the pain caused from letting my guard down and wearing my heart on my sleeve and don't know how to react.
Honestly, letting your guard down is probably the hardest thing ever. But I think letting go of the past is even harder. Sure I may have forgiven the person who broke my heart, but did I forget the pain or forget those feelings I had for him? No. What I've realized is not only do I need to pray to God asking Him to heal me but to also help me see my heart-breaker as a brother in Christ, so that I could eventually move on.
We tend to see it as either blocking people completely out of our lives or wearing our hearts on our sleeve. I don't believe those are the only options. We are called to share God's love with others, we can do this by treating the men we meet as brothers in Christ rather than just seeing them as husband potential. I'm not saying it is wrong to observe if a guy has the traits needed for your future husband but that should not be the focus of your friendship, and we should never have to lower our standards just to let a guy into our lives. If he's the one he'll step up. So enjoy being single and develop strong friendships with both guys and girls, and let God lead you till the time is right.
For now, as difficult as it is sometimes, I will patiently wait for God's working in my life to change me into who I should be and lead me to where I am headed in life.
God Bless!
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