Monday, October 3, 2011

Learning To Say It's Over

Probably one of the hardest things as a girl we will have to learn to do is say the two phrases "no" and "it's over."  As cruel as you may feel saying either of these phrases, if we don't learn to, there will be a lot of unwanted relationships.  I learned this the hard way. I know after being heart-broken, I would never want to mislead anyone cause it would be to do just the same. 

However this summer I fell into this really sad pitfall. I entered too quickly into a long-distance relationship with one of my camp friends.  It seemed to start off pretty well.  His family met mine and we decided to use this relationship as a way to see if we were possibly meant for each other, aka courtship (dating with purpose).  However since I did not want to seem like the typical girl whose relationship status changes from one week to another, even when I saw that things weren't quite working out, or more importantly that he wasn't the one for me I didn't end it.   He didn't do anything specifically wrong; he was sweet, loving, accepting. But he wasn't for me.  I constantly could see different red flags in our relationship but tried to push them aside and accuse the distance as being the factor.   Because I did not have the guts to be the heart-breaker and say that our courtship had reached its goal of determining whether or not we were for each other, I dragged out our relationship without really ever explaining the true hardships I was going through.

I had given him my first kiss and then a week later ended the courtship.  It stank, big time.  For two months I invested time into trying to develop a romantic relationship that now is barely a friendship.  I lost a friend, gave away my first kiss, and left my heart vulnerable again.  With the encouragement and support from close friends, I was finally able to gut up the courage to be the heartless one, and simply stated that I could offer nothing more than friendship.  I spent the weekend feeling depressed and guilty, and yet at the same time relieved.   I was able to just be me and be okay with my relationship status.  I felt horrible for what I had given away but was very encouraged to know that God gives us second chances and that the man God made just for me is still waiting patiently for me too. 

As difficult as it was to say it was over, I'm very glad to know that I chose to reserve my heart for my future husband. I only wish I had done so sooner, not just for my benefit but for my ex-boyfriend's.  The more I drug it out the more attached he became to me, and the less of his own heart he'd have saved for his future spouse.  It's not cruel to say it's over, it's mature and being responsible. If you know that somethings wrong, don't drag it out.  Whether you do it now or later it will still be abrupt, don't delay the inevitable, it will only make things worse.

Learn to wait, don't rush into things.  Don't ignore the red flags. If you know for sure he's not the one, don't drag things out.

Song of Solomon 8:4 
"Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

1 comment:

  1. Oh nicole, what an honest and heartfelt post. Dating is like a mine-field, you never really know where to step until you finally get married, and then there's a navigation process for that too! The Point I'm getting at is this: you were wise in breaking it off, and you are moving in the right direction. I miss you in choir, and wish you were standing up there with us!