Friday, March 16, 2012

Head Under Water... Literally

Rainy days always seem to have an overly powerful affect on my emotions.  I'm not sure why...  today it hit me really hard. I actually seriously considered throwing on shorts and a tank top and just standing outside in the cold rain. Maybe it's cause my teardrops really wanted to hang out with their cousins the raindrops.  But with the type of wind we get here there was no way I would be able to chill in the rain without getting sick and I didn't really feel like taking a third shower today.  Thus the hot tub and pool were ruled out with that too.  

Chocolate, however, really is an amazing gift from God.  I know I've been working out a ton and trying to develop healthier habits and such but every once in a while we need to be allowed to indulge in these great gifts.  Coffee, gummy warms, chocolate, hot chocolate, piano, girlfriends, Sara Bareilles.  Is there any better way to spend a tearfilled day?  I don't think there really is. 

The other day I found this anonymous letter in my school mailbox.  I honestly had no clue how to react.  Half of me felt extremely touched, the other part was wondering how the heck whoever it was knew what I was thinking, and then slightly angry at whoever would play such a torturous trick on someone really struggling with something so serious.  Then I realized they had been placed in all the mailboxes and it kind of lost its magic but I guess I couldn't be angry at anyone lol.  I'm convinced though that Papa God put it there at that exact moment cause it was what I really needed to hear. 

Today's been difficult, thankfully God always manages to bring just the right people in my life when I need them.  You can never have too many close girlfriends.

Sometimes it's really difficult to stay strong. The problem with pouring everything into a person is you become deeply attached.  Life seems dull and purposeless when they're not involved.  Even though most of my day has been comprised of trying to spoil and care for me, myself, and I; I keep finding myself trying to find an excuse to hangout in the lobby, by the pool, or the workout room, and I know myself well enough to know it's cause I'm looking for him.   I'm not passing by his suite, texting him, or anything like that, but he's just become such a big part of my life it feels empty when he's not around.  Maybe it's cause I really am empty, from pouring too much of myself out for him.

So I really wanna start pouring into my relationship with God but I honestly don't know where to start, I feel like I always start reading my Bible in Esther. heehee.  What girl doesn't love a story with an inspirational heroine?  Plus there's a beauty contest in it! Biblical version of the Bachelor lol. 

Anyways a girl will never be able to develop a healthy relationship with a guy if they don't have a good relationship with their father (that includes God!) so I think it's time I spend some well needed time with Papa God, we'll probably just have a date downstairs where I can just munch on candies, watch the rain, and drink endless amounts of FREE hot chocolate and milk <3   I will probably call my actual daddy later too. I miss him a lot.

May God Bless You and Give You the Strength To Pull Through One Day At A Time,

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
Psalms 147:3

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